FUNDING SoftBank completed a staggering $41B investment in OpenAI to fund the 'Stargate' data center project, because Masayoshi Son hates having liquid cash. — The Signal

SERIES E xAI raised $20B from Nvidia and Cisco to build the "Colossus" supercomputer and a new Memphis hub called "MACROHARDRR," which is exactly the kind of name you pick when you're the richest man on Earth. — x.ai

INVESTMENT Amazon dumped another $8 billion into Anthropic, confirming that Claude is now officially Bezos's very expensive butler. — Amazon

CHIPS ByteDance plans to spend $14 billion on Nvidia chips in 2026 alone, ensuring TikTok's algorithm knows you're depressed before you do. — SCMP

ASSISTANTS Amazon launched Alexa.com and a new "agent-forward" app, betting that putting voice assistants in a web browser isn't as backward as it sounds. — TechCrunch

AUTO Nvidia released Alpamayo, an open-source suite for autonomous vehicles that includes a 10B parameter model, so your car can now hallucinate stop signs in 4K. — NVIDIA Blog

HARDWARE OpenAI is reportedly developing a pen-sized device codenamed "Gumdrop" with Jony Ive, plus overhauling audio models to make talking to a computer slightly less dystopian. — The Decoder

MODELS Google is previewing Gemini integrations for Google TV and testing "Nano Banana 2," its fastest image model yet, because apparently "Micro Plantain" was taken. — Google Blog

ROBOTS Boston Dynamics and Google DeepMind are merging Gemini brains into the Atlas robot, bringing us one step closer to acrobatic terminators. — Boston Dynamics

OPEN SOURCE Alibaba released Qwen-Image-2512, an open-source image model that rivals proprietary giants, continuing their tradition of giving away tech that costs millions to build. — Qwen Blog

IDE Windsurf released Wave 13 with multi-agent workflows and git worktrees, allowing you to manage a team of AI bots while doing absolutely nothing yourself. — Windsurf Blog

TRAINING Unsloth claims its new library makes LLM fine-tuning 2x faster with 70% less VRAM, because nobody has time to wait for gradients to descend anymore. — GitHub

ARCH DeepSeek dropped the "mHC" technique to fix transformer stability issues, further proving they are just math wizards disguised as a tech company. — Hugging Face

GARDENING Someone used Claude Code to autonomously monitor and water a tomato plant, proving that the pinnacle of AGI is just high-tech farming. — X

SCAM A DoorDash driver was banned for using AI to generate a fake "delivered" photo. The future of fraud is getting incredibly lazy. — TechCrunch

JOBS The US Army created a dedicated "AI Officer" career track (49B), confirming that "Prompt Engineer" is now a rank you can salute. — Federal News Network

FAKE AI-generated images of Nicolás Maduro's capture flooded social media, reminding us that reality is now optional and history is just a suggestion. — CBS News

MODERATION India ordered xAI to fix Grok's generation of "obscene" content immediately, because apparently, an unhinged chatbot is not a diplomatic asset. — TechCrunch

LEGAL A lawsuit alleges OpenAI hid ChatGPT logs in a murder case to avoid bad press. Black Mirror wasn't supposed to be a documentary. — NPR

REGULATION New York signed the RAISE Act requiring AI devs to disclose safety protocols. Finally, the one thing that stops rogue AI: paperwork. — MOFO